"The second question is that my life with God has stagnated. I just do not have the fire I use to and most of the time I know what I should do but I just do not. I cannot explain it. Maybe I am being lazy or an idiot or whatever. I am just looking so hard for something to turn me around to God. I am trying but keep failing. I know for a fact that it is I who turned away from God and not he from me. I just cannot make myself turn around."
keeps this site and its author alive.
Often times we go through this in our lives. It stems from the fact that the Christian life is one of growth and maturation--and just as with natural growth, we move through stages. Were you suddenly to find yourself taking first grade classes, you would find them quite boring, and would learn nothing from them; yet it isn't that you don't still have much to learn, but that you need to move on to other lessons, other classes. Long ago you learned to crawl; and once you learned to walk, you did much less crawling. It is that way with your Christian life.
I'm going to suggest you take a moment to read another of my web pages, about the Fruit of the Spirit. It addresses the idea of growth in God in a way you might find helpful, very much from the perspective of what God is doing in your life to cause you to grow. Here I'm looking more at what you can do in that regard. I'm making guesses, but here are some suggestions.
Make some time daily for a "devotional" time. How much time? Well, that depends. I would say that you should set aside at least half an hour, probably an hour, each day--but if that's problematic, you might try fifteen minutes each day and a chunk of a couple hours once a week. But what should you do? Well, there are a lot of possibilities, and you should try things until you find something that works. I would definitely include some type of Bible reading/study/memorization. If you have not yet read it through, I'd start there; try taking notes on it, much as you might do with a text book for class. If you have read the whole volume, you can try "microscoping" or "macroscoping".
"Microscoping" is a nickname for a word-for-word exegetical approach. Use commentaries and dictionaries. Take one verse, and take it apart. See what the words mean and how they fit together. Get to know a single sentence inside out (it helps to memorize it) before moving to the next sentence. String it all together a little bit at a time.
"Macroscoping" refers to the opposite approach. Sit down with a single book of the Bible, and read it from beginning to end; then do it again, and again, and again. After you've read it a few times, you'll start to see what the book is about as a book.
My web page on Philemon contains elements of both macroscopic and microscopic techniques which might help you to understand the processes.
Memorizing is certainly a part of it. There are a lot of programs which will help you memorize the verses they think are important; but it's far better to memorize those which have meaning to you. Repeat these verses to yourself, and consider what they mean. Find someone else with whom you can share your discoveries, and ask them to share their thoughts with you about the verses you've learned and about whatever they are learning.
Prayer should be included in your quiet time (a bad name--it doesn't have to be quiet, if you can find a place where you can be loud without creating a scene). There are a lot of good books on prayer, and a lot of people who can give you better advice on this than I. However, I will make a few comments. Don't be formal; just talk to God. Especially, don't try to use some kind of old English "special" language--most people massacre the old English anyway. There's a popular attitude that you have to call God "Thou" or "Thee" as a sign of formal respect and distance, when in fact the use of those pronouns in the old language indicated familiarity and informality. Talk to God as you would talk to your ideal friend, the friend who you never had, to whom you could tell everything and ask anything.
Worship is also part of the process of getting to know God. Sing songs, pray, tell God how great He is, give thanks for all things. You probably know many songs which would be wonderfully worshipful were you to consider what you were singing; but you shouldn't limit yourself to songs you know. Take the feelings and the thoughts you have about the greatness of God and the grace you've received, and speak them in your own words, and sing them to melodies you create.
I remember in my freshman year of college there were a couple of people on campus who seemed to me to be truly spiritual. I assumed that they knew something I didn't know, some piece of theology which would change me. I finally asked one of them what the secret was--and he said there was no secret; it was just a matter of taking time for God. (I didn't believe him at the time, but he was right.)
Look for people who share your faith, and share your faith with them. The page on Philemon will explain this to some degree, as it explains what fellowship really is and how it works. Also, if opportunities to share your faith with unbelievers present themselves (formally or informally), take them. I'm not sure what kind of school you attend, but odds are good that there's an on-campus Christian group, and they probably do evangelism on and off campus, and would be glad for the help. You might feel that you aren't the right person for this, or that you don't know enough or can't answer the questions you might be asked, but that's not the way of things. You have things to share, and there are people who need to hear them, and God will take care of bringing you together with them if you put yourself in a place to meet them. Don't worry about what you'll say, or what you said. Just believe that God wants to use you, and will show you the way.
That's a lot, but you'll find it's only a starting point. Still, it's where I'll have to leave this question, and move on to the next one.
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Read about the Multiverser role playing game--accused by some critics of being "too Christian".
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